


you’re not even good enough to be my fake

by daggar



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Crack, M/M, Self-Indulgent, THE WELL-WRITTEN TAG IS IRONIC DON'T @ ME, Well-Written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29884434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daggar/pseuds/daggar
Summary: the ace attorney and sonic crossover no one asked for
Relationships: Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth/Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright
Comments: 22
Kudos: 17





	you’re not even good enough to be my fake

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is dedicated to Rae <3
> 
> also this was just an excuse for me to stuff as many of my favorite sonic quotes into one fic as possible

Phoenix the Hedgehog was ready for anything. He’d evaded prison at the hands of incompetent detectives and paramilitary officials alike, had at least one case under his belt, and even came prepared with three of the seven chaos emeralds. The remaining four were yet to be found, but he had faith that the Truth would guide him in the right direction over the course of this trial. 

“Besides, three is better than zero, huh?” Athena said, ever optimistic. Athena “Tails” Cykes - so named because of her double fox tails - was an indispensable member of the team, what with her Mood Matrix gadget and penchant for tinkering.

“Exactly. And we have no more misunderstandings this time, right Apollo?”

“I said I was sorry,” Apollo grumbled. He rubbed his wrist, sharp knuckles waving dangerously close. Phoenix had been on the receiving end of those knuckles once, when Apollo thought he had stolen the Master Emerald, and wasn’t keen on having them in his face again.

The courtroom doors opened, and the gallery turned to look upon the new arrival. Phoenix could see the silhouette of a manchog and a flash of something white and ruffled at his chest. 

“That man again, of all places…” the manchog murmured, leveling Phoenix with a cool gaze.

“E-Edgeworth!” Phoenix hadn’t expected to find him so soon. Granted, this was exactly what he hoped would happen by becoming a lawyer, but even so, nothing could prepare him for this meeting. The fated confrontation with his long-lost childhood friend - no, _Demon Attorney_ , now. “I found you, faker!”

Edgeworth smirked, shaking his black and maroon-striped quills. “You’re comparing yourself to me, are you? A novice attorney against the world’s Ultimate Life Form? Don’t make me laugh. You’re not even good enough to be my fake.”

“Hnngh...” Phoenix grimaced and jabbed his finger towards Edgeworth. “I’ll make you eat those words!”

“Ha! We’ll see about that,” Edgeworth said, and pulled out a shining green emerald from his maroon jacket.

“Huh? That’s a...chaos emerald!” said Athena.

“What? The Master Emerald?!” shouted Apollo.

“Just because it’s green doesn’t mean it’s the Master Emerald!” said Phoenix, but Apollo had already flown across the courtroom. In a flash, Edgeworth waved the chaos emerald and froze Apollo in midair. 

“This is the power...of CHAOS CONTROL!” He waved his arm again and flung Apollo against the opposite wall, knocking a red chaos emerald out of his vest. Edgeworth caught it with another smirk. As he did so, the doors burst open once again, revealing an old man with long white hair, tiny round glasses, and a suit that looked like an inconveniently elaborate lab coat from the 17th century.

“I’ve come to make an announcement,” the man boomed. “Miles Edgeworth, you are guilty of the murder of some defense attorney whom I can’t be bothered to remember the name of! Also, I have a laser pointed directly at the earth from my secret space base and won’t hesitate to blow you all to smithereens if you do not immediately relinquish the chaos emeralds to me!”

“Mr. Edgeworth, is this true?!” cried the judge.

He hesitated, then nodded. “Dr. Eggmanfred is correct in that I am guilty of the murder of a defense attorney, although not the man from last night. I admit that I was with the victim on a boat in the middle of a lake before he died, though.”

“And his fingerprints were found on the gun,” Eggmanfred added.

Phoenix gaped. “Why were you holding the gun?!”

Edgeworth shrugged. “I love guns.”

“Well, I can take care of defending Edgeworth,” Phoenix said, sighing, “but I can’t do that _and_ save the earth at the same time.“ Even the Blue Blur himself had his limits.

“Leave it to me, Mr. Wright,” Apollo said, clenching his fists. “I’ve got a friend who works at a space station. I’ll crash his shuttle and infiltrate Eggmanfred’s base from there!”

“That sounds great, Apollo,” Phoenix said. “Maybe one day we’ll see you again!”

“Eh, don’t count on it,” he replied, and punched his way out of the courtroom.

“Now, how about those chaos emeralds?” said Eggmanfred. He collected Edgeworth’s emeralds and held out a hand towards Phoenix.

“I’ve got it, Mr. Wright!” Athena whispered. “Why don’t we just present this fake chaos emerald I created just now!”

“Presenting a fake chaos emerald? In court?” He rubbed his chin, considering. “That’s sure to work perfectly and have no long-lasting repercussions whatsoever! Take that, Eggmanfred!” 

He threw Athena’s fake chaos emerald across the courtroom at Eggmanfred, who caught it in one hand.

“Bah! You can’t fool me with this fake emerald.”

“Wh -” Athena reeled back in shock. “How’d you know this one was a fake? I even used my quiet voice!”

“Because you told me just now, you idiot,” Eggmanfred sneered. He gave the fake emerald to Edgeworth, who chucked it back at the defense team and briefly froze them in another Chaos Control. The two of them swept out of the courtroom - Edgeworth to the detention center and Eggmanfred to his airship base or something - leaving Phoenix and Athena to brainstorm their next course of action.

Court was adjourned for the day in order to allow the judge and the gawking public to absorb all of this new information, and perhaps wrap up loose ends before Eggmanfred destroyed the earth. Phoenix and Athena paid a visit to the Criminal Affairs Department in an attempt to find evidence that would help them in their case, or maybe even some more chaos emeralds, if they were lucky.

They were not so lucky.

“Snooping as usual, I see,” Eggmanfred said, appearing from behind a row of old case files. 

“Oh look, a giant talking egg!” Phoenix taunted, which was probably not smart given the circumstances.

Eggmanfred scowled. “I’m not egg-shaped, you’re egg-shaped! Now get a load of this!” 

Faster than lightning (but not faster than Phoenix, who is the Fastest Thing Alive), Eggmanfred whipped out a taser and electrocuted the two of them. Phoenix could have gotten out of the way, if he hadn’t been so caught off guard. Or if he hadn’t needed to protect Athena, probably. Regardless, it didn’t matter, because their remaining two chaos emeralds spilled onto the floor and right into Eggmanfred’s hands. He chuckled, rumbling into a full belly-laugh. 

“Thank you for delivering me the last two chaos emeralds,” he said with a wicked grin. “Now I have all seven, the perfect number for perfect prosecutors to perfectly rule the world!”

“N-No…the chaos emeralds...” Phoenix mumbled, before collapsing into darkness.

* * *

An air of despair hung over the defense team’s bench the following morning. They hadn’t collected any evidence, and even managed to lose all of their chaos emeralds to the evil Doctor Prosecutor. Edgeworth brooded in his seat, caught up in his own nightmares of the past.

A sharp snap broke the silence. “I predict this trial will last no longer than three minutes!” Eggmanfred declared from the other side of the courtroom. 

Phoenix perked up, bristling. “What? Objection! That’s unreasonably fast! I would know, I’m the Fastest Thing Alive!”

The judge wasn’t paying attention, which was likely in Phoenix’s favor. “Where’s my Froggy?” he said, casting about the courtroom. “Hm. Alas. Looks like I’ll have to go fishing for him again.”

Eggmanfred smirked. “You mean, this?” 

He raised a frog up in his hands. It was weirdly misshapen, as though it had a chaos emerald in its stomach.

“Wait! I’d like to cross-examine that frog!” Phoenix said.

“Too late!” Eggmanfred cried, and tossed the frog alongside the rest of the chaos emeralds into a puddle in the middle of the floor. “And now, I will usher in a new age...the Dark Age of Chaos!”

“Not the Dark Age of Chaos!” Athena cried. 

The puddle bulged and swelled into a watery lizard shape, the seven chaos emeralds swirling inside of it. The lizard snapped its jaws at the defense bench, but otherwise seemed content to loaf in the middle of the courtroom.

“As soon as I give the order, Chaos will wreck havoc upon the world and I will be free to do as many crimes as I please!”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” boomed a voice from the doorway. Phoenix and Athena turned around and were shocked by the appearance of a tall man in a slick, pressed suit. A group of men in black suits and sunglasses crowded behind him with their arms crossed.

“Mr. President?!”

“You called, Mr. Edgeworth?” said Obama, a smirk on his face.

“Just in time, Mr. President,” Edgeworth replied, flipping his bangs out of his face. “I was worried you’d never show.”

“No way, I can’t believe this!” Eggmanfred hissed.

“Believe it, bucko,” said Mr. Obama. “Doctor Manfred von Eggman, you’re under arrest by order of the President of the United States!”

“You -” Eggmanfred glared at Edgeworth, his face twisting. “You despicable- How _dare_ you? I _created_ you!”

“Maybe so, but I’m in charge of my own destiny now,” replied Edgeworth. “And after thinking about it, I found a contradiction in the DL-6 crime scene photo that proved I couldn’t possibly be my father’s murderer.”

“Bah!” Eggmanfred cried. “Well, no matter. I’ve already fed the chaos emeralds to Chaos, and my climb to world domination is nearly complete! Chaos, destroy the President!”

The lizard turned towards Obama and opened its mouth, shooting laser beams that blasted through the courtroom walls. 

“Shit, we’ve got to stop that thing before it kills the President!” Phoenix cried.

“Mr. Wright, I just realized something,” Athena said, tugging his elbow. “We still have my fake chaos emerald, right? I think it has some capacity to use Chaos Control, since Mr. Edgeworth used it on us earlier!”

“Good call, Athena,” said Phoenix. “Might as well give it a shot!”

“I’ll help you, Wright,” Edgeworth said. Phoenix nodded at him, and they both clasped hands over the fake emerald. Perfectly in sync, they shouted, “CHAOS...CONTROL!!!!”

Watery Lizard Elder God Chaos began to disintegrate under the power of Trust and Chaos Control, until it was nothing more than a small puddle and a cloud of steam. The chaos emeralds clinked to the floor, dull and spent. 

“Hnnnrrrghhh!” Eggmanfred smacked the desk in rage. “You're not going to get away with this!!”

Obama and his men took the opportunity to lock Eggmanfred in handcuffs. “You’re going to prison, pal,” he said, while Eggmanfred continued to sputter empty threats.

“Yeeeaaah!” Athena shouted, pumping her fists. “Let’s celebrate with some chili dogs, your favorite, Boss!”

“Miles…” Phoenix said, turning towards Edgeworth. Their hands were still touching over the top of the fake chaos emerald. “Let’s escape this city.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Edgeworth agreed. They used Chaos Control one more time and teleported to someplace in the countryside, with nothing but rolling emerald hills and wide open sky in sight. Phoenix spied a remote cottage far in the distance, and his heart tugged with longing at the quaint quietness of it all. Maybe he’d retire out here with Edgeworth, now that they’d saved the world. 

“Phoenix…” Edgeworth began.

The raven haired cobalt pincushion lifted a hand to gently touch the other manchog’s face. 

“My heart belongs to you, Miles,” he said. “It always has, since elementary school probably.”

“And I am yours, my songhog,” Edgeworth murmured. They kissed tenderly, as lovers. And then they ran and ran and ran into the sunset, rolling around at the speed of sound as hedgehogs do.


End file.
